Tides of Change: Navigating Life’s Shifting Currents.
The content in this article is intended for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment.
But Isn’t Everyone Stressed?
I’ve yet to run into someone who hasn’t admitted they are stressed. In fact, I'm almost inclined to say that some people wear it like a badge. One of the most prevalent times however that our stress is legitimately higher is after a life altering event. This doesn’t indicate trauma, although there certainly could be, but any event where your life before, looks suddenly different than your life after, could qualify as an adjustment disorder (along with other qualifying factors). The good news is that with the right help we can not only recover from adjustment disorder but develop new lives where we are thriving because of it! Often adjustment disorders provide us with the fodder needed to reevaluate our values, boundaries, and goals.
In the Wake.
We will all go through life changes. Some planned, some unexpected. Some gradual while others sudden. It is the nature of life. But sometimes life events leave us drowning in the wake of change. Sometimes (thanks to denial) we don’t even know we are drowning until someone else points it out, possibly months later.
Suddenly we find ourselves unable to complete tasks that used to seem doable. We find ourselves forgetting important dates or crying for little to no reason. Sometimes our bodies tell us what our mind refuses to accept. We can’t do life changes alone. We weren’t meant to.
When a life event occurs we may avoid processing it for a couple of reasons. One might be to avoid the pain of acknowledging reality. Another reason might be because the rest of the world seems to think it’s not that big a deal and we should move on.
When that happens we can often feel isolated, lonely, ashamed, or guilty for not bouncing back like the world seems to think we should. Or even worse, the way we think we should. Here are 7 steps you can take to help yourself process life events.
7 Steps Toward Healing and Thriving
Journal daily: Write down events leading up to change, the change, and what you look forward to in the future (whether near or far, try to find something to look forward to). Processing through journaling helps move memory from hot to cold, allowing us to fully engage with our story.
Create a ritual: This should be something you enjoy and can consistently depend on everyday thus providing you with structure and pleasure. Pair it with a habit you already have (showering, coffee, gym, etc…) This could be a favorite route to work, a favorite creamer in your coffee… the opportunities for a meaningful ritual are endless and entirely personal.
Schedule a time to grieve your old life: Set a timer for 5 minutes everyday to contemplate your old life. When the timer goes off, leave your grief there until tomorrow. In this space it is ok to be sad (go ahead and ugly cry, we’ve all been there) , be angry (tear up some paper or scream into a pillow), what ever comes up for you honor it and sit with it. Know that you can come back to it tomorrow.
Embrace the season: Think of your life as seasons and each season has a new identity. Perhaps this is your gardening season, or the season you learn to crochet or play a new instrument. Maybe it’s as basic as the season you took sunset walks everyday.
Volunteer: I know what you're thinking, Isn’t that just going to add to my stress? It depends. Find an organization that means a lot to you and the work will be experienced as joyful servitude. Check local food banks or animal sanctuaries. Non Profits always need volunteers.
Rest: Balance servitude and responsibilities with rest. Rewatch an old series on Netflix, take naps, do a crossword puzzle. Something that doesn’t require a lot of effort.
Talk to someone: Call a friend (old or new) and let them know what you’ve been thinking since life has changed. If you find yourself crying out of the blue, excessively worrying, or feeling more frustrated and irritable than you used to be, consider reaching out to a professional. Remember if you are having suicidal thoughts or tendencies please text or call 988. In the event of an emergency please call 911.
Ask For Help (and Take It When It’s Offered)
Change is inevitable but with the right life jacket we don’t have to drown in it. We can take the initiative to start swimming in new waters while honoring the past. We must remember to grab those life rafts when friends, family members, and professionals throw them out to us. You don’t have to face change alone and there is no change too small that might make a big impact on us. If you are thinking this shouldn’t bother me but it does… now is the time to start healing.
