Teen Therapist Tips: My Tried and True Tips For Reconnecting with Teens.
As a disclaimer, I am not affiliated with any of the companies that produce these games. I do not receive any payment for recommending them. These truly are my favorites.
Anyone with a tween or teen has been here. Your attempts to connect are met with one word answers (if you’re lucky). You’ve been turned down so many times by your teen that the thought of reaching out stirs anxiety. Sometimes (most times) it’s just easier to bury yourself in phone, work, etc.. Despite these brutal rejections from our once biggest fans, we have to keep on trying to connect. Believe it or not, your presence means more now than it possibly ever has.
I’ve spent a majority of my career counseling teens and their families. I can say, hands down, that the most common themes in these relationships is a breaking down of deeply personal conversations. Developmentally, teens are supposed to break away from their families and establish their identity outside of the home. This doesn’t mean that they are ready to break free from the intimacy of the parent child relationship. Unfortunately, they don’t have the skills to initiate these conversations and often find us parents (who are equally dumbfounded) as distant. Often a teen feels pressure to grow up and rather than break their ego by talking about personal issues, they isolate and wonder why their parents don’t care. Perhaps though, you fall in the other category of parenting, where you are asking questions constantly. The problem there isn’t for your lack of trying. It’s probably just that you aren’t asking the right questions. So here are my go to games for helping teens open up and reconnect.
Totika: The Self Esteem Game : this is a colorful Jenga- like game that comes with color coordinated cards. The game is played like regular Jenga but with a twist. Whatever block you place, the person asks you a question with the corresponding color on their card. This is a lot of fun and the questions are interesting.
Talking Points: Teens Edition: This game is great if you are willing to open up yourself. (That’s how most good conversations start). It is very simple to do as it’s just asking each other questions from the cards. What I like about this set is that the cards are separated into categories of questions. I find it gives the teen power and trust when they can choose what category you ask them, as well as what category they ask you. Being open to allowing them to ask you whatever category they choose shows them that you are willing to be vulnerable even if they are not. This builds trust and rapport. While I only have experience with the teen version, I am looking forward to trying their other categories including Family, Christian, and Couples.
SUSSED? This is my newest favorite. This is great if you are just getting to know someone or trying to rebuild connection. The idea is that each player gets an A,B, C card. Then in a separate deck the first player draws a card and reads the first scenario. The person reading chooses what they would pick while the other person chooses what they think the reader picked. The version I have is called Code Blue, but there are others to choose from. I like this game because it can be played between two - eight players.
ChatterTime Conversation Cards: These are great because you can get a small sample set from Chic-Fil-a occasionally through out the year with your kids meal! I often gave these out to families to take home and practice having interesting conversations. These cards can be comical, insightful, adventurous, and lead you into a deeper understanding of your child’s personality.
StoryCubes: If question answer games aren’t really your style, try story cubes! These cubes have pictures on each side and are rolled to tell the major points of a story that you collaboratively make-up. These stories usually get pretty comical but fair warning. If your child is more on the depressive side, they can get dark as well. This is just another opportunity to connect. Just remember to stay open and connected and not pass judgement on the story your teen is telling.
There are tons of other games out there to foster connection but these are just a few of my tried and true favorites. The key to talking to teens is to resist judgment, don’t nag or lecture, stay open and vulnerable, and affirm them that you love them no matter what. So what’s stopping you? Grab a game and start connecting today! If your teen appears to be severely depressed, don’t wait to reach out to a professional for yourself or for them. Let them know if they can’t talk to you that they can call or text 988. In the event of an emergency, call 911.
